


As Long as We are not Afraid of Fear Itself

by natcat5



Series: Dark Month 2015 [21]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: AU, Curses, Gen, Predestination, cursemarks, the inevitability of death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-23
Updated: 2015-10-23
Packaged: 2018-04-28 07:32:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5083207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natcat5/pseuds/natcat5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“It’s the not-knowing that hurts," Aqua says, “You get these marks when…when someone, maybe yourself, has set you on a path to your death. Something you probably will be unable to avoid, no matter what you do. But you don’t know what it is and that…that causes a kind of pain in itself.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	As Long as We are not Afraid of Fear Itself

“Does it hurt?” Ven asks quietly, staring at the spiraling black tendrils across Aqua’s back, spreading upwards from the base of her spine and stopping just short of her shoulders.

Aqua looks over her shoulder to smile at him tentatively, before pulling her shirt on, and then turning around to face him.

“When it first happens, yes. But now? No.” she explains, “Not in the way you’re thinking, at least. Not physically. It doesn’t hurt my skin, or my back.”

“Well, what does it hurt then?” Ven asks warily, expression troubled.

“It’s the not-knowing,” Aqua answers, after a brief but heavy silence. “You get these marks when…when someone, maybe yourself, has set you on a path to your death. Something you probably will be unable to avoid, no matter what you do. But you don’t know what it is and that…that causes a kind of pain in itself.”

Ven doesn’t reply, shrinking down a little. He’s known about the marks for awhile, but they’ve never talked about it together like this. He looks like he’s going to cry. He looks like he’s afraid.

“When did you get yours?” Ven whispers, eyes downcast.

Aqua is silent for a long stretch. The blackness of her curse mark is still starkly visible in the open back of her top, terrifying and reaching. Like tendrils of darkness.

“Terra and I got ours on the same day,” she says finally, “Don’t worry about it too much, alright Ven?”

“You’re not scared?” he asks quietly, lifting his gaze. His own skin is unmarked, curse free. He can’t imagine it.

Aqua lifts her chin. “No. That’s why I wear this uniform. Why I don’t cover it up. To show that I am not afraid.”

“And because Terra can’t cover up his,” Ven adds, softly.

“Yes,” Aqua agrees, exhaling heavily through her nose, “And because Terra can’t cover up his.”

\--

Cursemarks were a phenomena restricted to keybearers, it seemed. ‘Curse’ because it was clearly a way to incite fear, to sap away at courage, and to encourage doubt and paranoia. A mark appeared when something was done that set you on a path towards your death, and the mark took the shape and form of how you would meet your end. There was no set time limit, but history dictated that the curse mark generally appeared anywhere within a few months to a few years of death. More than five years was rare. The documented record was a decade.

They were not a death sentence, necessarily. Sometimes they changed. Sometimes they faded away completely. If the action that caused them to appear was reversed somehow, or subverted.

But the problem was, you never knew what the action had been, or who had caused it. The appearance of a cursemark could cause panicked attempts at trying to figure out any major decisions that had been made on the day you received it. But it was ultimately irrelevant. If someone half way around the world had hired an assassin to kill you, how would you know, or stop it? If someone has just bought the car that’s going to run you down, how are you supposed to know? If just meeting someone is going to inevitably cause your death, how are you supposed to subvert it?

Master Eraqus did not have a cursemark. Neither did Master Xehanort.

Aqua and Terra developed cursemarks the moment Xehanort dropped Ventus off at the Land of Departure.

Aqua’s, spreading tendrils of darkness, looking like they’re aiming to swallow her body whole. And Terra, with gold and black fractals all along the side of his face and across his forehead and temple.

They both agreed, promised and agreed, to _never_ tell Ventus. It wouldn’t be fair to him, to have that kind of guilt upon him. Not when he didn’t even remember anything from his past. And Eraqus had been adamant about it not being cause to reject the boy. And that, in fact, it would be safer to keep him close.

He had also reminded them, both Aqua and Terra, that cursemarks were curses for a reason. Their purpose was to create fear and suspicion. And they changed. People forgot how easily and often they changed. They mustn’t panic. And they mustn’t fear. And they mustn’t take it out on Ventus.

And they hadn’t. They’d followed the Master’s advice. As a keybearer, the possibility of falling in battle against the darkness had always been a real possibility for Aqua, and she refused to allow the cursemark to put fear in her heart. If it was meant to be sooner then expected, then she just needed to train harder, more vigorously, to ensure she was ready for whatever fight might fell her. Terra seemed to have the same mentality. Pushing himself to be stronger, pushing himself to acquire more power.

Master Eraqus might have thought something similar. He certainly trained them more rigorously, and Aqua’s certain he wouldn’t have held their Mark of Master exam so soon if not for the cursemarks.

And maybe, that in itself, was a typical reaction to cursemarks. The rushing, the drive for power, the intense desire to do _something_ to try and circumvent fate. In the end, even Eraqus wasn’t impervious to it. Rushing the exam like he did. Aqua passes, does well, as expected. But Terra…

Eraqus tries to ease the wound, to lessen the sting of failure. Tries to communicate to the boy that he still loves and is proud of him, and that the fact that he’s not ready now doesn’t mean he’s not going to be ready _ever._ He sends the boy on a mission, a chance to redeem himself, to prove he’s not going to fall to the temptations of darkness.

The second Terra departs, Eraqus feels it, searing itself into his chest. Removing his hakama and checking in the mirror confirms it, a jagged slash, right across his heart. A cursemark.

He does the only thing he can do. Summons Aqua to him. Asks her to keep an eye on Terra. Prays that he hasn’t worsened all of their fates. Hasn’t fallen to the true curse of these marks; of struggling feebly in a web, until the frenzied movement draws the fangs of death to you quicker. Stubbornly believes in hope, in the chance that they can all avoid the fate that appears to be hastening towards them.

\--

When Terra leaves, Ven assumes the pang he feels in his chest is from loneliness, sorrow, and fear. From the weight of what the boy in the mask told him, and from the lingering, insistent terror he feels of being left alone, of Aqua and Terra leaving him, from death or otherwise.

It’s only when he lands on his first world that he realizes the truth, that the incessant burning finally prompts him to remove his armor and look.

A perfect circle, dark red, directly over his heart. A hole, right where his heart is.

A cursemark.

For a few long minutes, Ven is completely stunned with fear.

 _Death._ This mark on his chest means he’s going to die. And it’s right, it’s _right over his heart_. It’s not like Aqua’s, on her back, or Terra’s, on his face. It’s right over his heart. A gaping hole, like a surgeon painstakingly carved it with their sharpest knife.

 _A cursemark is not a cause for immediate panic,_ Eraqus had said, over and over again. But what did he know? _He_ didn’t have one. _He_ wasn’t going to die. _Imminently._

The respect that Ventus already has for Aqua and Terra shoots up immediately. They never seem afraid. They never seem like having a cursemark has left them panicked or uncertain. Is it because they’re older? Is he so scared because he’s immature, young, not ready for the world, just like everyone always says?

No. No that’s not true. He’s _not_ young and useless. He can fight well, and he’s tired of being locked up in their home. He wants to help Terra. He _knows_ he can help Terra. And prove to Aqua and the Master that he’s not a kid to be coddled. And prove to himself that he can be brave as Terra. As Aqua. To not let this…this _stupid_ cursemark stop him.

He bundles his armor back up, and continues his exploration of the world. Continues searching for Terra. For his friend.

And after all, most of the time these things don’t even come true, right?

 

**Author's Note:**

> the implication here is that the ending of BBS was a bit darker. So Aqua died when she fell into the realm of darkness to save Terra and Terra was completely obliterated when Xehanort took over his body and Ven died when he lost his heart. :')


End file.
